When you are really good friends with your best friend, there is nothing more fun than spending time together. You can laugh together and share secrets with each other. You fully accept him for who he is, and he accepts you. Of course you occasionally have some disagreement, but you always settle it again. Your friendship feels good. So good that you catch feelings for him. Oops…
Friendship is one of the most important things in life. Friends are there for good times and bad times. Perhaps you are so close that you find yourself thinking about him more and more. You get jitters when he touches you and get jealous when he’s on a date. You develop feelings for this man. This is of course super scary and unnerving: You don’t know if the feelings are mutual and you don’t want to ruin the friendship.
What do you want?
When you find yourself in love with your best friend, you can first think for yourself what you think of this. How strong are your feelings and how do you feel about this? Do you think you would like to have a relationship with him? Ask yourself these questions and sketch the different scenarios in your head to see what exactly you want to do with these feelings.
What to do
It’s always exciting to be in love with someone you don’t know is mutual. Your best friend is of course very important and you don’t want to ruin the friendship. But you can be realistic. You may have long ignored features that indicate he likes you too. Does he dislike your dates? Does he make a lot of physical contact? Does he often send you messages? Does he regularly compliment you? Then there is a chance that he likes you too! If he doesn’t do this, he may have just never thought about it before, or he simply doesn’t have those feelings for you. Are you thinking, ‘but he really can’t like me?’ You never know that! You cannot look into someone’s head. Who knows, your best friend might like you, but he is too shy to show it.
When you’re in love with your best friend, you never know exactly what’s going to happen. You can estimate it a bit, but you won’t be 100% sure of what’s going to happen. There are a few scenarios you can take into account. LotteLust gives you some as an example.
You like him and you think he likes you too
This scenario is good news! You can now start giving subtle hints of your feelings for him. You may still have negative thoughts. For example, that you don’t really want to risk your friendship for these feelings. But if you have feelings for each other, you will probably be even happier if you are open about this to each other.
You can decide how you want to inform him about your feelings. For example in a face-to-face conversation, but you might find that too scary to do. you can also start flirting. Touch him a little more, give him compliments, make eye contact and subtly show that you like him. This allows him to see that you like him. If you notice that he is doing well, the threshold may be a bit lower for you to start the conversation. Or maybe he’ll start the conversation when he finds you like him.
You’re in love with him but you don’t know if it’s mutual
This situation is unnerving. It can end well, but also bad. In this situation it is best to go on a voyage of discovery and carefully examine how he is standing here. You can of course express your feelings right away, but you may be deterring him. First flirt a little and see how he responds to this. Touch him lightly every now and then, for example, occasionally put your hand on his shoulder. Look at him in his eyes a little longer than you are used to. Stroke his ego with compliments. Put on something you feel confident in.
But do not behave completely different than you normally do. Just be yourself and show that you are a real catch! After a while you can see how he reacts to this. You can then talk to him, if that’s still what you want. You can’t look inside his head, of course, so don’t automatically assume he doesn’t like you if he doesn’t respond to your flirtation at all. Enter the conversation with an open attitude. If he tells you that he has no feelings for you, that is of course very annoying, but at least you know where you stand. Then give yourself time to process this. Eat chocolate, listen to music and cry out. You will feel better afterwards.
You’re in love with him but you’re not sure if he’s in love with you
You often can’t be completely sure if someone is in love with you, but there are situations when you are sure. For example, is he gay? Then you know in advance that he is not in love with you. This is very annoying, and that’s okay. Then give yourself time to be sad. And if you feel the need, take a little distance to get over your feelings. Don’t push it too far, it will remain your best friend.
Does he have a girlfriend? That is a very difficult situation. At least you know that there is no relationship for you for the time being. Don’t go starting fights between his girlfriend and him. You just push it away. You can of course discuss it with him. Enter the conversation with an open attitude and be honest about your feelings. You don’t know how he will react, but you will have clarity. That can be a relief.